Don't let go

dum dee dum dum

Thursday, December 31, 2009

"i don't know what it is but i love you,
i don't know what you do but i love you."

I really love the music of i love you by chris brown ft. ester dean :D. Chris Brown used to be one of my most fav singers. But after what he did,
hmmm... but ah well, I still like his music. Especially this song :D. The background music .. wow. To me, it's a cool r&b song. :P

Heh hehh. It's funny.
My mum dreamt that I brought a guy with me, and mum, dad, he and I went out together. LOL. And he's in the NS in singapore. I called him
Winston, but he's definitely NOT my bbs bro. She said she couldn't recognise that guy in her dream. And he's tall, a bit strong, looked a bit like one
guy in my school. I won't say who. HAHA! He does look quite like JJ :D. LOL! Omg. Cuz JJ has the typical singaporean guy look. Aha. So weird ehh.
A TALL + STRONG GUY WITH ME :O. I do like strong guys though ^^ She said we don't look compatible. LOL. Ahahahaha, she's got such a funny
dream. Many of her dreams have come true though. Hmmmmm.. LOL! But I can't imagine me with a tall guy?! I'm too short laa~

Hmmmm.. kayy. Let's be more serious. Hehe.. I've been thinking a lot about my results. Can't help it what. There was a time when I cried myself to
sleep because I kept thinking about how I'm gonna have nowhere to go. Cried, slept, had nightmares. The cycle just went like this every night. It's
lame, I'm lame. Yaaah. I don't have any regrets though. I know I gave my best, even though it wasn't a good effort at all.

Kinda know what to
expect. So I'm preparing for my future. No more silly thoughts. I'm not gonna let those four letters ruin my entire life. Whether or not I get into uni
, I plan to work in an organization. At least, it'd be something meaningful. And I'd be doing what I love. Then, I will try for uni next time. It's not
THE END. I still have a long way to go. So right now I'm searching online, looking around for info on those organizations in singapore. I won't make
use of social work to get into uni, I want to use this as an experience. I know this is what I want to do, but when I really get down to it, how
will it be like?

Hmmm... don't have much new year resolutions. I don't really bother making them. I just have some goals in mind. Like I plan to be more sociable.
I've been keeping to myself too much. I do like talking to people a lot. I enjoy listening to them share their life experiences. I miss so many people
in singapore, but haven't really got down to arranging a date with them. LOL. They're all girls yeah. Ahaha. I miss my sjcian pals the most. Wish
I could relive those times when we stuck around for each other. Hmmmmm... =/ *deep in thoughts*

Well... there are many things that I love about life. Such as being a single lady. :D See I'm not just saying it to feed my pride or to boast about
being independent and all that. So yeahhh, another song that's on my mind is the one that goes "All the single ladies... put your hands up.. whoa
oh oh!" Ahahaha! I don't know why I'm happy being single ... I never used to like it.. maybe it's the freedom? Ahaha. I've just been thinking a lot
about studies, and nothing else. Oh, and I'm also homesick. =( Miss singapore tons.

Miss being antisocial in the library (so much for being more
sociable in the new year), miss taking the mrt to the various shopping malls. Miss eating the most delicious food (really love singapore food!!!).
Miss reading all the newspapers and teenage magazines. Miss walking around the heartlands. Miss the channels. Miss the people and the funny
singaporean accent. :D. I wonder if my accent is still there. Hehehe. I guess so.

One thing that I'm happy about is that I know what I want to do. I just know it. I've always wanted to do something related to sociology. To me,
humanities is just the most exciting field out there. I can't imagine doing something else, like business or design. Of course, my results will make
my choices limited. But I won't let them do that for all time. My main motivation comes from... well I'm not really sure, but I know it's a deep
belief from within, one that I will always hold on to. The more I've fallen, the farther I've come, and the more determined I am to get up.

Because you just never know, right? I know that .. even after I've had these thoughts, I'm gonna have another day when I cry myself to sleep
again..but it'll just be another time when I have to take another step forward. We all have to do that by ourselves, now and then, little by little.
It's not that I'm pessimistic about the results. But after doing those papers, I just know the kind of grades I'll be getting. It's quite obvious.

Hope
that on the day itself, I'll be able to keep that kind of attitude in mind, and not break down. I just wish I could see things from another perspective,
not just a "oh, i'm gonna die..." thing. Oh. And I'm really curious about that aice diploma thingy that mr. randy entered me for. I wonder if I can
even get a merit. I'm the first person in my school eligible for that, not cuz I'm a genius or anything, but because of my strange subject
combination. Lol.... Just so curious. Part of me really is aching to know what I got, the other part doesn't. But it's better to know I guess.

Amo il dio!

3:16 PM

Thursday, December 10, 2009

(taken from channel newsasia website again. can't believe he faced a near-death experience. its scary. no wonder the song di ji ge 100 tian is extremely moving.)

Singapore's JJ Lin returns with new album
Posted: 04 December 2009 1258 hrs

Photos 1 of 1

JJ Lin bagged the Top Local Artiste of The Year, Top Local Composer of the Year and Top Local Soundtrack at the Compass awards

TAIPEI : Singaporean singer-songwriter JJ Lin will release his seventh and latest album "100 Days" later this month.

It marks his return to the music scene after he took a break to seek treatment for vocal cord injuries earlier this year.

Lin, 28, had been suffering from an itchy throat earlier this year but it got worse after a series of colds. He was due to perform a concert in Beijing earlier this year when he suddenly lost his voice just as the concert was about to start.

Lin was under severe stress as about 30,000 fans turned up to hear him sing. He only managed to regain his voice after he was hooked up to an intravenous drip and received steroid shots.

Once the concert ended, he was immediately rushed to the hospital for emergency treatment and then moved to an isolated ward. Lin then returned to Singapore to recover after his discharge and was not heard from until he released this album.

Lin's vocal chords had been corroded by gastric acid and an endoscopy revealed that they were very swollen and badly damaged, and this greatly affected his morale.

He recalled how depressed he felt one night during his hospital stay, "At the time, I felt it was the end of the world and thought I could never sing again. I was in complete despair. That night felt 100 days long."

The singer was so depressed that he even wrote a will-like letter.

Lin told his lyricist about how he felt during those dark days and it inspired him to write the lyrics for the album's single, "The Nth 100 Days".

The singer said that he is now fully recovered and raring to go.

"100 Days" will be released on 18 December.

2:42 PM

100 days

JUST DOWNLOADED THE SONG di ji ge 100 tian by JJ lin jun jie!! It's so moving. OMG. OMG. More touching than his prev songs... my latest most loved song. YOU SHOULD GO LISTEN TO IT! hahaha. =/ sorry... too excited. :D CANT WAIT CANT WAIT CANT WAIT for his album 100 days!!!!!

1:53 PM

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Very recently, I thought I lost something very important to me. The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming. =X. In the end, it turned out that
my mum had kept it for me. Hmmmm. I'm such a scatter brain. I can be really calm and collected at times, but most of the time, I just crumple on
the floor and break down. I seriously was at a loss as to what to do. I had rummaged the entire room, and other places.. Thoughts that ran
through my mind were like.. "I'm so stupid, I'm so dead. All the effort I put in for this, and now it's gone, everything is gone. Why do I keep
losing things? I'd do anything to get this back. Where is it?!" Yupp.. sth like that.

I searched everywhere like 3 or 4 times.. I was crying till everything in front of me was flowing down incessantly... LOL. and then my mum was
like ," i found it" !!!!!!!!! My goodness, you can't imagine the immense relief and the other rush of emotions that followed. Wow. I may not know
what it's like to lose something even bigger, like your home, for instance. But, I'll never forget this experience of mine. If I had totally lost it, I
wouldn't be able to sleep at night, of course. I'd be replaying events and trying to piece together solutions for hours...

Well. The intensifying feeling of hopelessness is like a sharp and intense pain that goes right through you. I'm not exaggerating at all. Ah well.
Sometimes, it's better for life to be boring. Better than searching AND searching for something you've worked so hard for, and then getting
more and more disappointed and frustrated. It's like going down an escalator of your soul, and the panic just speeds everything up, little by little.
GAAAAH. Sorry i'm overreacting with my writing, but i can't help it, can't help myself. When I go through something like that, I get a bit more
expressive. LOL. If not, I'd be like.. nothing much as usual! THE END. Ahaha. =/

Waaa. It's the coolest ending to me. Haha. I just hope that I won't get bored. Cuz I get bored extremely easily. My parents would know. Heh heh.
The beginning of the movie is crucial. Once I don't like the first few segments of it, I'll immediately switch to another channel. LOL. Highly impatient
eh. But there are some movies that have caught my attention from the start. Such as the mummy: tomb of the dragon emperor. :D. Fast-moving
action! Just love all that!! Hahaha :P I don't like movies that are so slow and stuff... don't know why I like hong kong dramas.. after all, most of it
aint action-packed. =/ But they rule as well :D.

Hmm... me looking for games :D... I love the game build-a-lot 2.. but it's not exactly free.. haiyaa.. i'm such a broke person, just don't buy games.
Haha! Prefer to download them =/ Going to freelunchdesign to check out the games there.. kinda bored with icy tower. Looking for games where
I can build stuff.. but that usually costs money.. =/ Built-a-lot 2 is like.. you can become an entrepreneur and set up shops, build houses..
you have an income.. and there's rental income as well... mostly to do with building.. i found it really fun :D. Heh hehh.. so bored of arcade games.
Used to be crazy over tetris, but now not so. Hopefully can find a game like build-a-lot 2 on the net!

Have been thinking a little about A levels as well.. Maybe I shouldn't have been so pessimistic.. It's not the end of my world and it won't totally
jeopardize my career options. Well... there'll be more time and money wasted. If the results are terrible, which I'm expecting them to be.. I may
end up having to use my igcse to apply for singapore poly. Strange eh. My mum had two dreams about me going to singapore poly. And her dreams
are 80% true. ;O I love singapore poly, have always wanted to go there.. Wonder if I should have applied to singapore poly one & a half years ago.
Maybe I shouldn't have wasted time and money on this A level course. Ah well. No use thinking about what ifs. At least, the course was generally
an interesting experience.

Hmmm... my igcse aint good.. but at least it looks better than my a levels.. =X. Mmmmm... if I can get to singapore poly, I'll be thankful. Even though
I'm later and slower than my peers. I mean, at least I can work towards a better career. If I'm faced with that option, I'll surely choose humanities.
That, I'm sure of. Either that, or media. I am very certain of my aim, but my results are so worrying. I really wish I didn't have to use my igcse to
apply. =X. Of course, I wanna get into a university. NTU and NUS are just not for me. Ah well.... if I get somewhere, this time, I really won't be
distracted. =( Sighh... =/ That's the only thing I've been worrying about, but it's not like I worry till I can't sleep. Just something that constantly
nudges me when I'm deep in thoughts.

Well, no use worrying eh? Just putting another burden on yourself. A part of me believes that there's a side to life that we can't control, and a
larger part believes that we shape our own destiny. Well, whatever it is, it'll become a reality that we have to deal with. It's always the 'facing
the music' part that is the hardest to do.

Heh hehh.. I watched twilight yesterday on star movies :D. Better late than never :P. I just wanted to see why every teen was so crazy over this.
Yeah, it is really good :D. I like the photography, and the way they directed the movie. Robert Pattinson was really good at acting as Edward.
Heh heh.. :D The intense gaze of his that he kept up throughout the movie. Wow. WOW. :O One of my celebrity crushes. Lol. I think he looks better
in reality.. cuz in the movie, he's too white, but that's what Edward is like anyway. Aha.

Heh hehh, they played 'leave out all the rest' and 'supermassive blackhole'! :D. love those songs. Also love decode. That time when I downloaded it,
I immediately took a liking to it. Ahaha. It's an awesome movie.. though I still think reading the book gives greater satisfaction. :D. But, anyway,
great romance going on there :D. The thing which drew me to the series in the first place was actually the romance part. Ahaha. And you get this
intense, tight sensation inside as you turn the pages. :] I don't like fantasy at all.. especially vampires and all that stuff... but this series is really
special cuz it's so different from other fantasy stories!

I've got out of my depressed and pessimistic self. These days, I find myself smiling more (my eyes are getting smaller in the process.. LOL)!
Time really does heal all wounds. A lot of time though. But I have found back my optimistic and happy-go-lucky self. I know I have. After all those
time doing silly stuff (my closest friends know =X) and getting so emotional and sensitive and all that.. I've learnt more about life, about myself.

And I'm no longer lost. I'm still a scatter brain, I'm still the number one blur queen, I'm still easily sensitive, but I've become a much happier person.
:] People will hurt you in this life, they'll tear you down with words, and some days you just get so frustrated with everything... but rumours
always fade away. You just gotta prove to people, and not bother about what they say. People will always change their minds, but we can't try to
change them, we just have to be positive and work really hard, for our sake and for those who truly care for us.

Being happier doesn't mean that I don't shed tears now and then (like in the first para). But these days I don't get hurt that easily anymore. Like..
I've heard many, many bad stuff being said about me.. from different people.. =X. Though I'm no longer in school, I still know that I've made
many enemies, somehow. But it doesn't matter. When people told me what was being said about me, I didn't feel anything. Really. In the past, I'd
have hid in a dark corner and wept really hard. But now, nah. It's ok lah.

YEAH, that's really the first thought that came to mind when I saw the smses. I took a deep breath and thought "It's ok lah~" Lol. I'm so strange.
Different reaction from last time. Maybe I'm really a very detestable person. I've done so many wrong things in this life, made so many mistakes,
regretted quite a bit in just 18 years. But it's alright. Even though the whole world hates me, even if I have no friends, I know that there is
someone who loves me unconditionally and accepts me for who I am, no matter what. That's more than enough.

I've realised many things that I used to be so dense about. I hope that I'll learn more in the days to come. ^^ Some things cannot be undone, but
there's always a need to move forward and stop looking at the road behind.

Not much going on in my life ehh. ;) But I kinda like it that way sometimes.

...Amo il dio!!!

4:27 PM

first post

Thursday, December 3, 2009

:D HELLOOO ANOTHER NEW BLOG!

2:16 PM