blue
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Have been feeling anything but happy. =/ I don't know why.. but what's there to be happy about? Hmm.. anw my a level results were.. maths: c, sociology: b, economics: d, chinese: a. I kind of expected the grades, but for all the wrong subjects.. Ah well.. just hope that I can get into NTU sociology course. =( It's the end of my world if I don't. =( Because I'm not the entrepreneur type, my science sucks, I'm also not the street smart kind of person.
It's not just the results..... some other stuff I can't say over here... also my health has been worsening. This sore throat of mine, then I keep coughing. Wah lew. I don't feel like a teenager. I see all the teens out there, they're all so hyper, so excitable, so in love with somebody, so overjoyed.. etc etc... I do have an exercise regime and stuff.. but other than that, I'd much rather be a couch potato or someone who pouts in bed all day long with music in her ears..
Don't know why I feel sad so easily these days. Hmm... okay.. let's change the subject before I start rambling..
My most fav music these days is Jay Chou's :P. Cuz he has many many sad songs.. Somehow I find that JJ's songs are happier. Hmm.. but in terms of personality, I prefer JJ's :D. But Jay Chou is definitely the taiwanese king of pop. And his songs are not just pop, they're really deep. So his songs are my most fav! As for english songs.. I like John Mayer's voice :D. Michael Buble is cool too, though I don't appreciate many of his songs.. Umm.. not much lately.. though I'm the kind who likes different types of music, I've been more of a blues person lately..
My health is bad. My studies are bad. And well... I haven't done anything good... I don't know what kind of person I am anymore. Maybe becoming more and more selfish? I guess. My pillow's getting wet every night. =*(
Sorry... so sorry. I just wanted to vent some stuff here. Not to get sympathy or anything. Don't comment about this post..
Sigh.. the world is so chaotic out there.. I'm so tired of seeing the news as well.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
6:08 PM
stick up for jj!
Friday, January 15, 2010
hmphh. i wonder why nearly none of my friends appreciate jj lin's music =( *pouts*. It's not that I wanna force others to do so, just cuz I'm crazy over his songs.. But his voice is really magical and it really touches my heart.. The music's awesome.. and his songs are just super duper meaningful.
Sighh.. just a thought.
10:09 PM
--
- inspired by the recent Haiti devastation.
Suddenly
Sometimes you get so close to the edge
But never fall
Instead you watch a friend tumbling down a rocky cliff
Just want to close your eyes
Pretend it's not happening
But deep inside, the truth sinks in
At a standstill, and nobody's moving.
Vengeance squirming its way through
The broken and bitten parts of your weak soul
How can you see the light when your eyes are not there?
So many roads we have taken, too many people pass us by
In the end, you can't bear to see what's ahead any longer.
There are times when you get caught in the middle
You can't take control of demented dreams
They say it's all in your hands
But the way I see it, most things aren't.
Not all illnesses have a cure to them..
A person can be a timebomb
Played around helplessly like a shadow puppet
But that isn't the most heartbreaking thing...
You just take it a day at a time
In self-denial, telling yourself it'll be alright
It won't happen again
But anything is bound to happen
You just never know
........You never know.
I'm not afraid of death,
but of what it has taken away.
No one would understand
No one would listen to what I have to say
My plea, is not for peace
To be free, to have a name, to have a home
That's all I need
But no, I'm just part of the statistics
Part of another major event recorded in the media
A tiny voice amongst millions
We're all just part of another promise
Have you ever wondered why this always happens to the poor?
How long more before the hole is mended?
Because I'm just someone
waiting to be laid down in the scorching sun
just another corpse that will be washed away
into the ocean of ashes.
Take another picture,
Write another story,
We know you have helped us,
But the loss of
Our parents, children and other loved ones..
That lasts forever.
Who can carry them back home?
Who can bring us to them?
...who?
2:16 PM
46
HAPPY 46th BIRTHDAY TO MY MUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
8:01 AM
dum dee dum
Thursday, January 14, 2010
most recently loved by me! (in order of preference)
1. Angels Cry by Mariah Carey & Neyo
(Mariah Carey)
Shouldn't have walked away
I would have stayed if you'd said
We could have made
Everything ok
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I'm still on the ground
I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Supernatural love conquers all
Remember we used to touch the sky
And lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I
Said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
But we let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry
Come on babe can our love be revived?
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just trying to survive
As the angels cry
(Ne-Yo)
I thought we'll be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn't know if he treat you right (sounds wrong)
But it was okay
I do some stupid and you still stay with me
But you can only call for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You look up
Find your love gone
We were so good together
How come we could not weather
This storm it just do better
Why did we say goodbye?
'Cause lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I
Said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Now every night
I feel the angels cry
(Mariah Carey & Ne-Yo)
Come on babe can our love be revived?
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just trying to survive
As the angels cry
Baby Im missin you
dont allow our love to lose
We gotta ride it through
Im reachin for you
2. Drop The World by Eminem & Lil Wayne [note: there are a lot of profanities.. i censored all.. hmm but if you dont mind, give it a listen, the music's cool]
(Lil Wayne)
I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I’m cursed, so nevermind
And it’s worse, but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller, and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a *****
But soon for a ***** it be on, mu’*****
‘Cause all the bull****, it made me strong, mu’*****
So I pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your ******’ head
B****, I’ma pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your ******’ head
And I could die now, Rebirth mother******
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, mother******
I’m gone
Mother******, I’m gone
(Lil Wayne)
I know what they don’t wanna tell you
Just hope you’re heaven-sent, and you’re hell-proof
I-I walk up in the world and cut the lights off
And confidence is the stain they can’t wipe off
Huh, my word is my pride
But wisdom is bleak, and that’s a word from the wise
Served to survive, murdered and bribed
And when it got too heavy I put my burdens aside
(Eminem)
It hurts, but I never show this pain you’ll never know
If only you could see just how lonely and how cold
And frostbit I’ve become, my back’s against the wall
When push come to shove, I just stand up and scream “**** ‘em all”
Man, it feels like these walls are closing in
This roof is caving in, up its time to raise it then
Your days are numbered like pages in
My book of rhymes, got ‘em cookin’, boy
This crooked mind of mine got ‘em all
Shook and scared to look in my eyes
I stole that ******’ clock, I took the time and I
Came up from behind
And pretty much snuck up
And butt-****** this game up
Better be careful when you bring my name up
**** this fame, that ain’t what
I came to claim but the game
Ain’t gonna be the same on the day that I leave it
But I swear one way or another I’ma make these ******’ haters believe it
I swear to God, won’t spare the rod
I’m a man of my word, so your ******’ heads better nod
Or I’ma **** around in this b**** and roast everybody!
Sleep on me, that pillow is where your head’ll lie
Permanently, b****, it’s beddy-bye
This world is my Easter egg, yeah! prepare to die
My head is swole, my confidence is up
This stage is my pedestal
I’m unstoppable, incredible
Hulk, you’re trapped in my medicine ball
I could run circles around you so fast your ******’ head’ll spin, dog
I'll split your cabbage and your lettuce and olives
I’ll ******’3.
2010 predictions by Maino- We gonna find out Rihanna likes girls too
–Wayne gonna go to jail & come out Muslim
–Lady Gaga will be on the internet naked
–Lamar Odom & Khloe Kardashian not gonna make it
–Miley Cyrus will get butt shots
–Knicks will still suck
–Some rappers will admit they’re queer
–Diddy gonna finally let Maino get his hands on Cassie
8:07 PM
someday
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
go to xinge.baidu.com if you would like to listen to the latest chinese songs!! and they're VERY new ((((: i love baidu ^^ So i'm gonna post lyrics of my fav chi songs.. I wanted to post some eng ones as well.. but their lyrics ain't nice.. cuz all the hiphop stuff.. haha..btw.. all lyrics taken from BAIDU.. sorry the translation not so good (by me..) LOL..well.. for today it's just one.. i'll try to post some lyrics whenever i get to blog!!
SOMEDAY by 彭坦
词/曲:彭坦
编曲:彭坦/吴涛
制作人：吴涛
某一天 某一天 你对我说
one day, one day, you said to me
这一切都和别人没有关系
all of this has nothing to do with others
我们的每一分钟都是新的
every minute of ours is brand new
我们的每一时刻都在一起
and we share each and every moment together
也许你会伤害我
perhaps you will hurt me
就像我也会冷漠
just as i will be cold to you
所以我想要打开你的心
that is why i want to open up your heart
因为我需要你你需要我
because i need you, and you need me
someday 我还会在这里
someday i will still be here
someday 把所有对你唱起
someday .. sing it all to you
某一天 某一天 我对你说
one day, one day, i said to you
相遇是因为所有过去的
we will meet, because of all that we've been through before
请你不要再让我等候
please don't make me wait any longer
来吧现在就和我一起走
cmon, just walk with me right now
我们的 我们的每一刻 都会是不同的
our, our every moment will be different
过去的 和现在和未来 都会是我们的
all that's in the past, the present, and the future, will belong to us
8:42 PM
OKAY.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is BIG news. This is like the MEGA WHOPPER in burger king. This is the ultimatum. This is the point where it all falls apart perhaps? This is the moment of truth. It's the.....
A LEVELS RESULTS!!!!!!!!
25 january, 25 january, 25 january, 25 january, 25 january!!!!!!!!!
I'm freaking out again!
All that talk about acceptance and moving on, and bla bla.. I'm still freaking out!!!!!!
Calm down!!!!!!!!
25 has always been my lucky no., will it help this time?! okayy.. i know it's silly thinking, this is NOTHING to do with luck, the results have already been printed.
OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. My goodnessssssssssss.
Okayy. Okayy. Take deep breath. 2 weeks to go. I'm glad that there's finally a date though. Better than knowing nothing. Sighh. The results are just gonna prove my stupidity and lack of grey matter. =( I know I gave my very very best in sociology, econs and chinese. As for math, I just couldn't do a lot of it.!!!!!!!!!!
Dieeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
Okay, I'd better stop now before it gets more dramatic and I type more crappp. I just know I'm gonna be the no. 1 failure in the school. Everybody else is gonna get tons of A's, the worst they'll get is some B's... I'm gonna be the special one who collects everything but A's and B's.. though for socio I'm confident I'll get either B or A. But I'm dead fish!!!
OKAY. Full stop.
9:10 AM
EMINEM!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
This will be another super short post. Hmmmm.. I hadn't listened to eminem in a while.. so today I decided to do so... and I realised I still love his music! He's my most fav rapper.. The thing about hiphop in my opinion is that... although there are profanities and cuss words and all, every song talks about a very deep and dark part of reality.. I don't like those hiphop songs that talk about *you-know, you-know*.. I'm more into those that tell a sad story, or even those that talk about being free and all. ^^
Kayy then!
7:31 AM
weird experience
Monday, January 11, 2010
Hmm.. we took the bus no. 65, planning to go to harbour front interchange. But the bus broke down halfway.. -.- At around tiong bahru there. So in the end we went to tiong bahru hawker centre... Weird. I've been taking the sbs bus for so many years, and the buses never broke down ... =/..
Actually I have nothing else to blog about... Until next time!
2:27 PM
again
Sunday, January 10, 2010
hmm. My no. 1 wish (for material items) is definitely a new lappie. This one is so.. senile. Keeps lagging, makes a lot of noise, and it has almost reached its max storage (cuz of my music)... Have been trying to delete, but ... sighhh... Like a grumpy old man with his walking stick singing mezzo.
I don't wanna go back to jakarta =( It has its charms and all, but I love singapore much more =/.
Sighhhhhhhh. Also hope to stay in singapore permanently. Take mrt everyday, borrow books every week, eat eat eat, live the singaporean life. I think I'll be going to work as well. Hmmmm.. hope to go to uni next time! Please please!
Loll.. dont know whats with me. =S
3:59 PM
another crazy life
So much for wishing for a better year ahead. 2010 doesn't really seem that much different from 2009 for me. Maybe it's too early to say, but.... sigh. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know anything! I haven't been on good terms with *** & ***... Just so frustrated. I know I deserve it, but I just wish that *** would stop being that way with me. I feel as if I'm a doormat, and I shouldn't feel that way. I feel like those avril lavigne songs, you know? Goodness. You know, I actually want the days to speed by faster right now. I don't want to go through every second, every minute, every hour. I want to see my results, and I just want all that "cold war" to stop. I think I started it in the first place, and once again, my mind is a complete chaos.I don't know if it's really good being that way. But I don't want to pretend. Animosity is animosity. So what if my face is an open book? I can't take it any longer. I just wish my life could be more normal again, no more tears in the night, no more silly hopes and wishes.Just let the days go by quickly, please?
8:51 AM
exasperation
Friday, January 8, 2010
this is one of those times when i just want to be left alone, yet at the same time want to be loved. i don't wanna type much for now, yet theres this volcano erupting violently inside of me. what do they take me for? maybe i'm not meant to be close to anyone, not even to those whom im supposed to be close to. just forget it. shall listen to 98.7 fm now, the only thing that makes me happy. i know im self-centred. just forget it, forget it. till next time.
10:31 PM
dashed hopes?
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Well. I've been checking out stuff about criteria for getting into NTU & NUS. And it ain't good. Somebody once got three A's in the cambridge a levels, not the singapore one, and she got rejected from all 3 - ntu, nus & smu! OMG. So instead she got into a london uni which is ranked quite highly. that's crazy! absolutely crazy! I mean.. I've always known that the competition is very tough.. but... :O Three a's can even get rejected from all 3 unis. I know that I'll either get one A or none. Moreover, I can't go overseas to study. =( Don't have the means to. So looks like I really have to get working experience first.Wow. My heart is sinking to the depths, seriously. But I really really wanna study in singapore =( And get into uni =( Ok. ok. Does that mean I really have no future? Is it true that only people who ace everything can get somewhere? =(.It's like they said that the unis in singapore expect those who do the cambridge a levels to get four A's.. higher standard than the singapore a levels. I've always thought that they don't think highly of the cambridge a levels. So it's the opposite. Wow. Where can I go?Just so worried =(
8:33 PM
everyday's the same
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I'm still trying to be optimistic, but time and time again, I keep messing everything up. I have the problem of short term memory loss these days. OMG. It's crazy. Cmon. I'm so young, why am I becoming more and more like an elderly lady?! I'm driving myself crazy alright. It's not that I forget everything. It's just that important matters keep slipping off my mind. I feel so SENILE. You know? Gaaaah. I don't think anybody knows how that feels. It's like ... you know nothing's physically wrong with you, but you just keep doing everything the wrong way.
Sighh. Don't know why everyday's like that for me. There's sure to be something I didn't do properly, or something I completely forgot about. What's my problem?! Aaaaaargh. So frustrated with myself... I wish somebody would enlighten me.
The only good thing is that now I'm in singapore... from 6 - 16 jan. Staying in YMCA for now ^^. LOL. I always thought that was a music school. So it stands for young men's christian association. No wonder that song goes that way... I'm so lame really. It's very near SMU. :] I can't believe that SMU has a school of social sciences!! I always thought that there were only business courses!!! Hmmph. Outdated maybe. I really hate thinking about my results. But then if I try not to think about it, I feel like I'm in a state of self-denial. Can't stand the long wait. What if I really get A B C D? or worse? Not even a single A? And I fail my math?! My econs.. I really don't know... chinese I'm so certain it's a B or C...
Sighh. Sighhh. Many many sighsssssssss. It's not that I don't love myself .. but there's really nothing good and useful that I can see in me. I'm so absent-minded, so muddle-headed.. okay it's the same thing... Keep screwing things up. Don't know what's happening to me. Maybe I'm going insane or something. All I know is I will stay that way until the results come out. Ignorance really ain't bliss. No matter how bad the results are, it's better to know the outcome.
I keep looking to God for answers.. but I'm so ashamed to face him. Yet, I know that he never stops loving me. Oh well. Just feel utterly ashamed of myself. I keep letting myself and my parents down. I can't study, I don't have any special talents like many people out there .... Let's just say I'm clueless..
Hmm... sunday going to church ^^ Don't think that will help... I just miss going to church... used to go there every week in singapore... I really miss the lifestyle here.. it's really easy to get to different places! Well well. I wish I could study here. =(
I'm just feeling really down. Sorry for all that self-centred grumbling =/. But no matter what, I'm still trying, trying, trying to look on the bright side. As if that helps.
8:35 PM
