everyday's the same
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I'm still trying to be optimistic, but time and time again, I keep messing everything up. I have the problem of short term memory loss these days. OMG. It's crazy. Cmon. I'm so young, why am I becoming more and more like an elderly lady?! I'm driving myself crazy alright. It's not that I forget everything. It's just that important matters keep slipping off my mind. I feel so SENILE. You know? Gaaaah. I don't think anybody knows how that feels. It's like ... you know nothing's physically wrong with you, but you just keep doing everything the wrong way.
Sighh. Don't know why everyday's like that for me. There's sure to be something I didn't do properly, or something I completely forgot about. What's my problem?! Aaaaaargh. So frustrated with myself... I wish somebody would enlighten me.
The only good thing is that now I'm in singapore... from 6 - 16 jan. Staying in YMCA for now ^^. LOL. I always thought that was a music school. So it stands for young men's christian association. No wonder that song goes that way... I'm so lame really. It's very near SMU. :] I can't believe that SMU has a school of social sciences!! I always thought that there were only business courses!!! Hmmph. Outdated maybe. I really hate thinking about my results. But then if I try not to think about it, I feel like I'm in a state of self-denial. Can't stand the long wait. What if I really get A B C D? or worse? Not even a single A? And I fail my math?! My econs.. I really don't know... chinese I'm so certain it's a B or C...
Sighh. Sighhh. Many many sighsssssssss. It's not that I don't love myself .. but there's really nothing good and useful that I can see in me. I'm so absent-minded, so muddle-headed.. okay it's the same thing... Keep screwing things up. Don't know what's happening to me. Maybe I'm going insane or something. All I know is I will stay that way until the results come out. Ignorance really ain't bliss. No matter how bad the results are, it's better to know the outcome.
I keep looking to God for answers.. but I'm so ashamed to face him. Yet, I know that he never stops loving me. Oh well. Just feel utterly ashamed of myself. I keep letting myself and my parents down. I can't study, I don't have any special talents like many people out there .... Let's just say I'm clueless..
Hmm... sunday going to church ^^ Don't think that will help... I just miss going to church... used to go there every week in singapore... I really miss the lifestyle here.. it's really easy to get to different places! Well well. I wish I could study here. =(
I'm just feeling really down. Sorry for all that self-centred grumbling =/. But no matter what, I'm still trying, trying, trying to look on the bright side. As if that helps.
8:35 PM
