Don't let go

as the wait goes on..

Thursday, February 11, 2010

soo im almost done with the application to nus.. still left with the application fee..hmm.. im praying very very hard, but if its not meant to be, then so be it. loll. one of the female
teachers asked me why i don't have a boyfriend yet. WAH. loll is that really important? okay.. okay.. i was the one who used to be so desperate,
always asking god why i'm so lonely, and wishing that i would have someone to love me, cuz being single felt painful. But that was at THAT time.
i guess... as time passes by, i start to get my priorities straight. Love is still a big part of my life, but studies is my number one. (: Above this
number one, which is the very very important number one.. it's god, family and friends :D all campur (mixed) into one. :D

umm.. actually i have many thoughts flashing through my mind, but i don't really know how to put everything together into words. huh. so i shall
just list songs that describe EXACTLY how i've been feeling and what i've been thinking about :D. And these songs are usually what I can identify
with as well..

Tattoo by Jordin Sparks, I'm With You by Avril Lavigne, Never Alone by Barlow Girl, Porcelain Heart by Barlow Girl, Single Ladies by Chipettes
Realize by Colbie Caillat, Fix U by Cold Play, Touch My Hand by David Archuleta, I Wanna Know You by David Archuleta & Miley Cyrus
Mad World by Gary Jules, Dance Floor Anthem by Good Charlotte, Victim Of Love by Good Charlotte, Boulevard Of Broken Dreams by Green Day
Barenaked by Jennifer Love Hewitt, Heartbreak Warfare by John Mayer, Say by John Mayer, Waiting On The World To Change by John Mayer
One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks, Hot N Cold by Katy Perry, The Truth by Kris Allen, Broken by Lifehouse, Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park
Crawling by Linkin Park, Faint by Linkin Park, In Pieces by Linkin Park, In The End by Linkin Park, Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park
Papercut by Linkin Park, Part Of Me by Linkin Park, What I've Done by Linkin Park, Makes Me Wonder by Maroon 5
Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble, The Climb by Miley Cyrus, If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback, According To You by Orianthi
Fireflies by Owl City, I Don't Need A Man by PCD, Beep by PCD & Will.i.am, What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts
Consider Me Gone by Reba Mcentire, I'm Just A Kid by Simple Plan, Save You by Simple Plan, (There's Gotta Be) More To Life by Stacie Orrico
Still Waiting by Sum 41, Never Going Back To Ok by The Afters, I Look To You by Whitney Houston

Aahhahaa! yepp. I also don't know why there's so much of linkin park. Well, maybe that's why I love their songs. But it's the music also. Some
people may find it noisy, but to me that isn't the word for their songs. :P They're so cool. Hmmm.. well one thing I like about myself is my taste in
music. It's such that I can identify with many people. :D Sometimes you have nothing to talk about, music is the best thing. And you can also use
it to influence others or help them feel better. I strongly believe that the effect of listening to a song is much greater than listening to someone
say "you'll be alright, i'm with you.." And the first one just takes about 3 - 4 min! :O

I love country, pop, rock, ballads, punk, hiphop, classical, acoustic, musical, r&b, dance etc etc... don't really like metal and some oldies. Well
I've tried listening to songs of the metal genre, but so far I only like Korn.. cuz the rest just shout and scream like mad people. =S. It's to the
extent that they don't sound like music. Some yelling is ok, just not if it's for the whole song... =S..Yepp..

I like this aspect of myself cuz then it's easier to connect with people, and I can put a smile to people's faces. Like one friend of mine likes the
more soothing and easy listening kind of music, while another likes rock and dance, and yet another likes classical and pop... :D Music just has
that healing effect on people. On me, especially :D If I ever get angry at anyone, I always get away from the situation. Cuz when you're angry,
you're more likely to say things on impulse, things that u don't really mean at all, and then you can't take it back. So yeaahh.. I listen to some
angsty music! And after some time, when all the emotions have been released, I suddenly realise that I can see things from the other person's
point of view and I'm not as judgmental as before. Yeaah! :) Music is my life ^^

Haha.. my most recently featured artiste is OWL CITY! i initially thought that the name was weird and all.. but his voice is really gentle and amazing!
VANILLA TWILIGHT AND FIREFLIES :D i totally can't identify with vanilla twilight cuz i've never been that in love before, but it's a really sweet
song! Love the lyrics :P it's different from all other love songs out there.. they always go like "i can't live without u", "you're the air that i
breathe".. etc etc.. all the same things with different melodies.. I like the line that goes "the silence isn't so bad, till i look at my hands and feel sad,
cuz the spaces between my fingers are right where urs fit perfectly!!!!!!!!!!!"

Loll.. alright.. enough enough. Till my next post! HOPE NUS ACCEPTS ME! or if ntu accepts me, then i'll also be grateful for it.. anything for uni ((:
I've also been praying for many people :P I won't say who, it's my dirty little secret :D HAHA! yeppp. Hope God is listening to my silly pleas..

3:38 PM

Just life

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Hmm.. the results analysis wasn't that good. Only happy for chinese :D. Didn't expect it at all.

Sociology: for paper 1 I got D?! OMG. Maybe I got too show-offy with my answers =(sighhh... For the other papers I got B's.)
Economics: B and D for AS.. and C and E for A2
Maths: U for mechanics (as expected), E for pure math 3 (expected again), that's for A2.. I improved my AS! So im actually really lucky I got the C! Last time I got B and C for pure math 1 and statistics respectively. This time I got A and B! Aaaaah.. that's cool ;) Hehe. I thought my statistics was a goner already!! Phew.

Yeaah... anyway I've looked back on what went wrong with sociology... and yeepp.. there is always room for improvement. I really want to get into NUS sociology laa. OMG. NUS is just an amazing school. And the staff is really experienced.. the location is quite good, the food is not bad, and the ranking.. yupp.. I PRAY VERY HARD FOR GOD TO LET THIS MIRACLE HAPPEN TO ME :P hmmm..

Err.. so far I have tried sending the documents to NUS.. On monday gonna check up on its progress.. I hate waking up early, but I know it's worth it. I'm the type who absolutely loves sleeping in, lolll.. Ah well. But if I can get to university, I'm gonna have to sacrifice a lot of sleep.. Cuz my grades aren't as good as the rest.. Hopefully my certs will help! That one I got for the igcse especially, hehh. Just hopee.

Right now, as you can see, the only thing thats on my mind is getting into uni! Hmmm.. I wish I could think more and care more about others, but my mind is just so fixed on this. Maybe I'm just selfish or something. Ah well. Its just that I really want to study in singapore. Even though its very stressful.. but well, I want to..

Okie dokie... that's all for now.

1:51 PM

better off dying

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Realise I'm just another burden after all
Thought you'd changed but I'm still your eyesore
You want me out of your life forever,
I could do you that favour, but I'm stuck here
After all this time, I'm just the best burden
... Nothing else but that
I live the life of the departed
There's nothing left that I can claim as my own
Not even my pride, my feelings, my hurt
I keep lying to myself, that maybe life will get better
Making believe with sweet daydreams and child-like musings
I must not wake up from this
I'm all alone, really, really, finally, all alone.
Life has no meaning at all
For someone as worthless as me.
I don't recognise anybody anymore.

3:12 PM