Haven't been blogging for some time cuz I have no idea what to write.. But I'm not gonna leave this blog to rot.. Ever since 18 dec, my mum and I have just been trying to cope.. Especially my mum.. There's not a single good day in my life these days.. I know my mum has it worse.. And he still can't walk.. It's true.. when someone in your family falls terribly ill, everyone else has it as bad as him.

I've been really depressed, hiding from everybody by switching off my phone and not contacting anybody. Don't know what to say to them. They have their own lives to lead. Am I supposed to cry to them about how lonely I've been and how painful this daily routine is..? Nah, no way. It's not like I think he's a burden or anything like that, it's not like that. I don't know how to describe it...

Forget it.. I don't wanna talk about it for now.. I just wish the bad days will go away.. Selfish me wants my social life back, though I was never really a social person.. But I don't like seeing him so helpless..

nothing much.. no news from NUS and NTU yet.. probably cuz it's too early.. the school terms start in around july/aug.. I'm mentioning this cuz it'll be the only good news.. we've been having such gloomy days, my family and I... I don't know how to talk to anyone about this. Frankly, I just want to be held and I just want to share a moment of silence with somebody I like..Not that type of awkward silence.. it's the type where words are really not needed at all...

Ah well... if I go on, I'll just talk about the same stuff, over and over again. No matter what, I'm still loving God wholeheartedly, and my faith has been stronger than ever. I don't believe this was caused by him, all I know is he has always been with me, no matter how imperfect and broken I am.

Anywayy.. if you're reading this, thanks for visiting. ^^ I'm not okay, but I'll survive. Still praying, still wishing, still living. I think it'll be quite a while before I blog again.. so God bless you. No matter how tough it gets, we still have to get up and take it all in. Take little steps, even as the tears are falling to the ground like bullets.

Peace. Amo il dio.