Hmmm.. finally decided to update. Still waiting for university application outcome. Ummm.. nothing much. Going back to sg on 7 July. I should be jumping for joy, but I'm feeling so depressed. Cuz of someone. The only problem I have with him is that I'm afraid he'll have a change of heart. Maybe he only liked my looks. He was just quite confident.. asking for my name, then my number, then he sent me some sweet smses. I don't know.. he's really really busy though. At the emergency ward day and night.
Even if I could stay here, I doubt we'd get to go on a date or anything. I only get to see him cuz my dad has to go for dialysis at his workplace. -.-". I really do like him though. He appears to really like me, but I'm not sure. If he can please me so easily, I'm sure he can do that with another girl who probably looks better than me.
Maybe I sound like someone with low self-esteem, but just can't help worrying. I really wanna be with him though. If this relationship doesn't work out, it's his fault. Cuz I'm very loyal and I won't stray or anything.
And lately got these hives. SO UGLY. The darned rashes. Have been taking antibiotics and drinking a lot of water.. Put some lotion for allergies too. Still so itchy and I feel so cold. My face has got some of it too. SO UGLY. I hope I'm not scarred for life. Most importantly, I hope those on my face go away. I am a vain person, I admit.
Hmmmmm... I MISS HIM =(. He's not sending me any msges, either because he's busy or sth.. well that time we talked for some time in the ambulance.. Yeahh.. we can't even talk in a more romantic place or something. It's either the ambulance or hospital =(. Hmmmm.. it was quite unforgettable... sitting with him and just looking into his eyes and ...yaaa.. he always makes me blush. He said he doesn't have enough pulsa or sth..
I'm really curious about what he feels about me. Hmm.. he's been quite confident, and seems to really like me.. but the thing is.. he hasn't really acknowledged me as his girl or anything.. you know? he asked me twice whether i got a boyfriend or not.. hmmm... i can tell that he's quite nervous too.. haha.
Well...... as long as he doesn't tell me that I'm his girl, I'm not gonna assume that we're in a relationship or anything. All I know is that he's in my heart right now. And I really do like him a lot, just wish he'd make it official. Unless he's not serious... =(. Ah well... I'm not gonna see him in a month or soo.. Wonder if he'll wait for me, or maybe I'm just another pretty face, though I'm not really pretty.. but you know what I mean..
Aaargh. This whole post is about him. Hmphh. He's always on my mind though. But what can I do when life keeps making a fool out of me? The only thought that keeps me going on is him. (:
maybe I'm stupid to think he'd wait for me. Who knows how important I am to him? Ah well. So many doubts, so many insecurities. I don't know, don't know, don't know anything anymore.
Me so depressed =(. My other friends are so busy and... Hmphh.. Mum and dad recently talked about going back to singapore this month. Cuz dad wants to go back before his birthday, 28 May. Sighhh.. Dad is not recovering, and well... I just feel so depressed. And lonely, lonely, lonely. I'm not desperate to get into a relationship or stuff like that.. just need a friend, someone to lean on, someone who is more than willing to be by my side...
I miss studying so much. I want to work. MISS STUDYING!!! gaaah. Don't even know if I'll get admitted into anywhere. Don't even know when he will recover. Don't know anything.
Like that song.. just need somebody to love =/.
I wish.
Hmm.. my dad's condition still isn't too good.. not much improvement. I know it takes time and I'm really trying not to rush things. But ah well... the doctor said a stroke patient takes about 2 - 8 months to recover. =/.. So worrying.. Hmm... Thank goodness there's music.. Everytime I feel worn out and stressed, that's where I turn to. I know that God is always with us no matter how bleak the situation seems to be.
Hmmm..... 2010 is a horrible year =(. I feel so lonely. I've thought of smsing people, but they're all preparing for their exams. I don't really wanna bother anybody. Actually, I really think that nobody cares about me. It's quite depressing, I've never felt so "by myself" before. I'm not complaining about my parents.. but you know.. I need friends too. Not many, just one would be enough. But I just can't think of anybody whom I can confide in.
=(. =(. Mel is so pitiful, lol. Hmm.. no matter what, I'm still strong, I'm still holding on. I can do this on my own.... I thought I had some really good friends, but I guess... =/.. they have forgotten me... I've never been important to anyone anyway.. what's so unusual about that? Just have to get used to a life of loneliness.. I feel like such a hermit.
Well well.. still keeping the faith, still hoping... I guess it's okay that nobody really loves me that way. I have to try to be more independent, I've never liked to depend on anybody anyway.
Anywayy... I've been quite health conscious (((: ... Well.. actually nothing more to say... I'M A SURVIVOR ^^.. though i may look weak and all..
I'm okay (:
