Yeahh. So now in singapore. My parents will be staying in singapore permanently, while I plan to work overseas.. erhh ehhm, in Jakarta, I mean :P. Well. I just applied at the moe website. Just hope that this time my application will be successful. Yaa.. I admit I'm really envious when I see my friends getting into university and stuff. But it's ok. I'm still confused about my future, about my love, about everything else. Shall just take it one step at a time.. will work my way through this mess.

Perhaps teaching is my real calling. Well, you never know. Hah. It's strange. It used to be the profession I hated the most. And now I'm really anxious to get accepted by moe. LOL. Interesting, interesting. When I flipped through my portfolio and looked at what I wrote many years back (back in the good ol' chij sjc days), I saw some really unexpected stuff. The very first job that I wrote down (you know, my aspirations and all) was.... NURSE. :O. Back then, I wrote that I wanted to care for patients and stuff. And then later on, I thought of being a lawyer, counsellor, social worker, sociologist, psychologist, etc etc..

I was really surprised. Haha. I don't recall anything.. But yeahh.. It's just amazing, haha. I mean,
really amazing when you look at what you wrote when you were just a kid. I'm still a kid now, the only difference between then and now is the duration and some changes in thought processes.

Hmm. Anyway my dad is still the same. Though at least now he can sit on the wheelchair for a short while. Just a short while. Then he gets tired and all. Still in tan tock seng hospital. The initial plan was to get discharged and wait for acceptance into the ang mo kio rehabilitation hospital. But due to some policies, he has to stay in the hospital first.
Now he got rejected by amk, and perhaps going to BVH. A hospital offering rehabiliation as well.
It's near my home at hougang ehh. Yup, so it'll take a few more days.

The good thing is we have insurance and medisave. Cuz the cost of healthcare in singapore is very high. So yepp.. the amount that we have to pay is rather minimal.

That's the story for now. ((:

hmm.. i miss jakarta.. kinda got used to the lifestyle there.. though obviously singapore is more convenient and has more plus points.. but somehow.. its strange.. i've stayed in sg much longer. maybe its cuz of someone.. and love the music in jakarta.. haha.. oh my. umm. i'm planning to see if can pursue teaching at nie.. the training programme.. hmm.. its my only hope. (and the only route to jakarta :P).. hmm.

Ehh I wonder if he received my sms.. Why did he have to change his number to one that starts with 021.. its confusing.. i dialled +62021.. hopefully it got through.

umm.. nothing much. hmm dad's not getting any better.. the doctor said that cuz his brain cells had died due to impact of the second stroke.. so it'll probably take a long time for him to recover.. hmm.

this year really is horrible.. i just wish that i can get a chance to pursue teaching. it'll be an awesome opportunity.

I MISS THAT BAD GUYY :( he'd better fulfill his promise and wait for me.. omg. im afraid that if one day i go to jakarta and look for him, he won't be there.. like at his workplace. maybe he changed job or sth... =/

ah well. im not gonna worry that much. just do my best. the rest will be what it's meant to be!

Hwaah. Like what's with my blog entries these days right. Hmmm. Life's still complicated, but I usually try not to think about it. There's a time to think of solutions, and there's a time
when you just gotta let go. My mum is getting more and more exhausted.. Hmmm.. I'm just trying to help whenever I can. It's always either she/dad who is yelling about
something.. Sometimes both... Yeaah. It's obvious why they're so worked up. I'm like the third party.. Just like to keep to myself more often these days.. hide in my corner and
hug my knees.. Just don't know what to do. They may be my parents, but I can't interfere.. I've decided to stop being such a crybaby. Like that song.. just have to take things one
step at a time, there's no need to rush. And there's no need to get so tensed and worked up. Even when life constantly tries to pull you down.

Maybe it's easy for me to say.. since I'm not my mum.. she's got tons of responsibilities. It's not like I don't have any, but yeaa.. she definitely has tons more worries. And I'm not my
dad.. suddenly not being able to walk and having to go for dialysis.. My problems are not as heavy as theirs. But my heart is still as heavy as ever. Always having to associate myself
with the word 'loneliness'. What I need.. I can't get it from money or from my parents.. I don't know how to describe it. I think I just really need to hang out with friends.. need to
get busy.

These days, just got so tired of thinking.. Whenever I catch myself starting to worry, I just plug in to some music.. mostly cheery ones. Worrying doesn't help at all. What will be will
be. Like that thing with my guy. If it's really true love, Imma hold on to it. Right now, I'm just not sure. I just get the feeling that he wants to break up with me or something. If
that's the case, I'll just try to get on with my life and not get all drama mama about it. No point treating every sad event in my life like some tragedy. This ain't romeo and juliet,
this ain't one of those fantasies on the big screen, it's reality. You know, I keep wanting to send that msg to ask him if he wants a break up or something.. But I always hit the
delete button.. I don't wanna.. I'm afraid he'll sms back and reply 'yes, i'm so tired of you" .. something like that. I don't wanna talk about break up with him. OMGG. Just wanna be
in love with him. But everything is unpredictable.. you just never know, you know..

So yeahh.. Although my life seriously sux, I'm okayyy, really okay. I promise I won't think of those silly suicidal thoughts already. Need to grow up. I'm not pretending to be some
optimistic girl. Guess I'm not. I admit that I'm in a lot of pain right now. Feel so cold and melancholic. I fully accept who I've become. But it'll be okay. Thank goodness for music
though ((: it's like my hideout or something, my sweeeeeet escape ^^. Cuz I've realised that worrying only makes things worse and more complicated than they already are. I've
not become cold, as in heartless or something. I still care a lot for a few people. Especially my pals in sg, some pals from bbs, my bestie, my mum and my most favourite guy :D.