maybe god wants me to work on my future now
Friday, August 13, 2010
I've made up my mind on some important things in my life. It took quite a lot of tears and contemplation to reach those decisions. Shall start with love. I've decided to stop my child-like dreams and silly fantasies. The love songs and romantic novels can't be applied to real life. All that rubbish about doing everything for her and marriage being 'xing fu de yue ding' (the contract of happiness).. aargh. (Doesn't mean that I'll stop the love songs and romantic fiction though :P)Have seen a few cases of marriages that didn't work out. The financial support was always there, but not the emotional aspect of them. During courtship, the man will do all he can to win over the girl, such as doing nice things for her etc. Later, he reveals his true colours. Love becomes something like "I give you money, you buy whatever makes you happy." And he gets all chauvinistic and makes her serve him. She does so many things for him and starts aging faster. He starts getting sick of her and just yells at her ever so often.All that crap about the woman serving the man sounds so outdated, but it's still happening in this modern century. One thing good is that the woman has freedom of choice these days. I really don't think that my guy really loves me that much. I know I said this before..
Frankly, it started off with being infatuated with him. He's not the fair-skinned and tall type, but he's really good-looking. I like tanned, small-sized, very slim, playful (he likes to poke people:D), a bit active, cheerful, decently groomed, neat, well-mannered, attentive and 'short-haired' guys (yes, he is all of that). Haha. He has kind eyes that twinkle at me, a charming stride, a very pleasant voice and he's definitely the pretty boy kind. Quite friendly and a bit loud with others, mainly likes to hang out with the guys, a bit shy and soft-spoken with me through he impressed me with his confidence and direct approach of asking me to be his. He also seems to respect my opinion. Eg. if it concerns a sensitive issue, he would ask me if it's ok with me.. Of course, he's not perfect.. but well... hmm..Oops. Revealed too many details eh. But you can't deny that there is a physical aspect of liking someone. Frankly, I've really fallen for him. But the main reason of sending those letters is to let him know tha I need to spend a lot of time in my studies.. I'm sure that eventually he will give up and find someone new. I don't like to make people wait for me, I would rather be the one who waits. Yeahh.. as much as I long to be with him and all, I love him enough to let him go. I'm sure there's someone out there for him. Sounds so cliche eh, but I mean it.As for me, I still plan to visit Royal Taruma someday. Besides him, I quite miss the ambulance drivers. Of course, the way that I miss them is totally different from the way I miss him! LOL. Another person who left quite an impression on me was Doctor Jesika. She's a rare doctor, one of those who don't work mainly for the money. She genuinely cares for people! I don't think I'll get to see her though.. ah well.Hmm.. I'm planning to remain single all my life. I don't want to end up like the women in those relationships. I know that not all guys are like that - so domineering and all. Some actually respect their woman.. but what are the odds of ending up with someone like that? Hmm.. if I could choose, I'd want to lead a simple life with a simple man. Just a stable life with mutual respect for each other. There is bound to be disagreement, but if the communication is there... ah well.. I think that I'm just destined for singlehood.The other decision is my studies. I'm planning to retake my 'A' levels. I already retook my AS that time, but it didn't work out so well. For math, it paid off cuz I improved from a B for pure math 1 and C for statistics to an A & B respectively. But I don't have confidence in improving from that 'C' that I got for the 'A' levels.Sociology... instead of improving, I just got a handful of 'B's. Not to boast or anything, but I really don't think that I deserve a 'B'. I'm gonna get my 'A's! Hmm.. lately just looking for a job and thinking about my studies.. getting serious about things.. have to stop getting so distracted. yeahh.. back then, when I was taking my a levels, I was rather half-hearted.. Sighh.. I do regret.. but I wanna turn that regret to hardcore action.
8:49 AM
