Hmm.. planning to hide from the world for a while. I don't mean that the world revolves all around me, it's just that I've reached a phase when I just don't want to open up to anyone.. I'm becoming distant from my parents, my friends... Ah well. I've never been much of a socialite, and now I'm getting even more antisocial. Hmm.. got some personal issues. All the emo rubbish. I miss him a lot, now that he's not with me, now that his mind is probably far away from me as well. But I'm silly, already planning to send him a letter for his birthday..

Besides coping with life without him, also have some loneliness issues.. problems I've always struggled with. Like my parents.. some stuff. Most of the time, they're shouting. I may not be close to my dad, and I may have some negative feelings towards him, but he's my dad. And he's not getting any better. And nobody is informing us about any news of rehab. Don't know what's gonna happen... Yeahh.. during this period, it's perfectly understandable to get on each other's nerves. But I just feel terribly lonely, often hide in my room, read my books.. eng, chinese and bahasa :D all love stories.. HAHAHA. if you love books, i recommend dee henderson.. for eng ones. the plot is very intriguing.. it's like a romantic story mixed with thriller. Love her writing style.

Hmm.. yup I'm often detached from my parents. We may be in the same place day and night, but I often drift apart. I know I should open up to people instead of cooping up and keeping it all to myself, but these days, I really really don't feel like opening up to anyone.. Cuz nobody understands, and I don't wanna bother anybody. So everytime I hear those yelling and stuff, I just listen to my music.. hahaha my playlist is filled with bahasa love songs. It's so cool that the guys there love singing about those melancholic songs.. like waiting for the girl.. HAHA. Well.. it's very sweet when you listen to the song.. But experiencing it in reality, it's so dramatic and just so awful.

And the moe.. there's no response. They stated on the website that only shortlisted applicants will be informed. Hmm.. perhaps they're silently rejecting me. GAAAAH. Hmphh. I'm resigned to rejection. But forget it, I'm not waiting for them anymore. Whether they've rejected me or not.. I'm gonna apply for a job now. It's time.. our money supply is running out, and frankly, I wanna get out of the house more often.. hah. I'm unfilial, I do things for all the wrong reasons. But who cares about the reasons.. the fact is I really do need to get a job.

And I really wanna meet lisais. Not to talk to her, I just have to apologise to her for ignoring her emails and stuff. I haven't gone on fb too. Hmm.. I don't know what I can do for her.. I'm a lousy friend..

Hmm nothing is going well for me. I'm trying to turn to God, but it always feels like he has abandoned me, along with everyone else.. he always seems to place me in situations where I'm walking by myself.. Maybe I have all the wrong perspectives too.. but I don't care anymore.. I wish I didn't always think about my stupid emotions.. as if that's all that matters.

Gaaah. Thank goodness for the existence of love stories and romantic pop songs though. :D. That's the only bright side so far...