Dear Faithful-Mel-Blog-Readers :D,

I have shifted to a new blog.. actually it's livejournal. I wanna keep it quite private, but well I've decided to let you in on the hottest secret ever (joking!!). Hmm.. the blog url is 4 letters.. If you know me well, you'll know what I put! No hyphens, no underscores, just those 4 letters.

Thanks for reading! Since my blog is all about me, I guess you must be really into me right? Hehehe.. Kay Im crazy after worrying too much. LOL. Yup.

God Bless.

I wonder why I applied for this job in the first place. The computer systems can be so frustrating sometimes, and this job is rather challenging.
Although it may sound simple, it really isn't. For me, IT is one of the toughest subjects. Perhaps, it's still not as difficult as mechanics. But
still.. aaaaaaaaaargh! So far, I've undergone 4 days of training. The training days are quite long.. from 8.30 am to 6 pm.

But then, I always
make it a habit to arrive extremely early. Cuz I wanna practise more. This job basically involves booking newspaper ads. There's also a
great deal of transaction involved cuz the payment is always made at the counter. Yup.. The good thing about this job is.. I can gain tons of
experience from it.. and well.. the skills are very practical in today's world.. which is undeniably dominated by technology.

The pay ain't good though.. But well.. I'm only an 'a' level student.. And yup.. I'm determined to upgrade my skills and stuff. No matter how
tough it gets.. it's not impossible. That's what I know. The bad thing is.. I'm the youngest and most inexperienced.

I know what people will be
saying behind my back and stuff.. It's like that in this world.. But I wanna prove to myself and everyone else that I can do it. Mmm.. counter
job is really not easy though. It doesn't just involve being familiar with the systems.. Frankly, I'm quite worried about the money part. Ah well.
But like I said, it's not impossible.

Sometimes, I kind of wish that my supervisors never gave me a chance. I think they kind of pitied me or something.. you know.. this helpless
young girl whose parents are unemployed.. yup. I think they must have regretted giving me a chance at this.. I'm so slow, you know. :(. I kept
telling my supervisors about my worries and stuff.. And well there's a justifiable reason for my slow-ness I guess.

The other girls in my training
class.. they've all had working experience before. I'm the only one who has never had any experience. And seriously, that has been a great
disadvantage for me. Coming directly from a schooling environment.. it's just a huge transition. The workplace is just.. aargh. Much more
pressurizing than in school.

And the bad thing about IT is.. everything is hands-on. Unlike written work.. you can always bring it back home and spend nights poring over
the work, memorising and understanding. So yaa.. I guess I'm just not used to interacting so much with the computer. LOL. Hmmm.. but
seriously, I need to stop being such a blur queen and a baby. I really am determined to familiarize myself with these concepts and learn everything
properly.

I may be much slower than the rest, but I'm younger than them, so I have greater room for improvement. Won't bring myself down by
comparing myself with others and stuff. Although it's hard not to do that.. But yaa.. I'm gonna make sure I pull my socks up. Don't wanna
disappoint my supervisors.. they're really nice people. They never looked down on me, and gave me a chance to learn. So yaa... I know it's such a
huge risk that they're taking.. hiring a inexperienced young girl. LOL. Hmphh.

Besides practising all the systems and applications, I'm gonna spend this time familiarising myself with this company.. everything about this company.
Cuz.. well.. if I get involved in a lot of customer transactions in the future, I really can't be some ignorant newbie. For now, I guess it's okayy.. cuz I
just came in a few days ago. But in time to come, being a newbie just ain't a valid reason for every mistake..

Yepp.. so this job is in the marketing division, under the CATS classifieds department. Hmmm.. which explains its complexity. No matter what, I'm not
gonna give up.. Quite excited to be like the counter staff.. they're just so experienced and mature. Ah well.. time will tell.

So anywayyy.. I sent the letter to him yesterday. ((: Hmm.. it's weird that I'm sending him letters every two months.. but yeahh.. I just don't like to be
on 'non-talking' terms with him.. Although I know fully well that I won't get to be with him.. I'll probably spend at least two years in this job.. then I plan
to study.

At first, I know I talked about retaking the a levels and stuff.. but that's definitely impossible right now.. I'm already so tired out from this job..
far too tired to spend time on the profound a levels. But well.. now I realise that the a levels aren't the most difficult stuff to master.. Ahaa.. I really do miss
studying, cuz I'm more of the bookworm and "writer type" of person.. yaa.. the nerdy girl who's buried behind books.. but well.. I'm really keen on gaining
work experience for now.

So yaa.. I'm gonna spend quite a long time in sg.. don't know when I can go to Jakarta.. how many years later.. hmm.. which boyfriend would wait faithfully
for his girl for many years? Hmm. they only happen in the storybooks and movies.. Even couples who have spent many years together can split up because of
the 'distance' issue.. well we only knew each other for three months or so.. :(

And well.. I finally know the true meaning of TGIF (Thank Goodness It's Friday!).. AHA.. Although I'm slow and everything, I quite enjoy the process of
ad booking and stuff.. I like counter work.. the customer service part and everything.. Hmm.. and I guess my best friend these days will always be the computer..
Maybe it's even replaced my boyfriend.

LOL. Spend so many hours with it five days a week. But really need to spend tons of time on this..or I'm not gonna be
able to handle the real environment.. for that one.. any mistake can be costly. Hmm.. last time when I frequently read the newspaper, I just never realised how
much effort went into every publication. This is really an eye-opener for me!

Hmm.. my brain is currently trying to adjust itself to work mode.. I'd been idle for too long, and suddenly I'm fed with so much information in such a short time..
But I'll be okayy.. haha.. i think I'm gonna be an expert in IT if I can pass the probation period! umm yaaa.. PRAY FOR ME! Hopefully, there'll come a time when
I become more alert and aware of all that I'm doing.. Goodness, I've missed my bus stop twice.. :( Two scary recent experiences..

I think I'm one of the most
blur people around, hehh. Don't know why my supervisors seem to trust me so much.. don't know what my boyfriend saw in me.. The way I see it these days..
people around me all seem to be so confident and sure of what they're doing, while I'm this lost girl who's just trying to make her way through the crowds..

I just checked my email inbox and found something that finally made me sooooooo happy!!!!!! LOL. It's not like I got accepted yet, but there's a chance.. THERE'S HOPE!!! LOL. That time when I applied for the customer care assistant job at sph.. I got a reply today.. it's a two-year contract for part-time job.. hmm that one I gotta discuss with mum.. OMG!! they asked me to go for the interview on on monday, 16 aug, 10:30 am.. !!!!!!!!!!! you can't imagine how I feel right now..

These days have just felt so hopeless.. Like nobody wants me.. and now!! NOW!!! loll.. ok ok.. Gotta prepare for the interview now!!!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

(don't really fancy the repetition of wish right now.. but i think this song is real cool.. especially love this part of the lyrics!!)

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now

I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partyin' and smashin' and crashin'
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness

There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you're staring at that phone in your lap
And you hoping but them people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds

You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel
And they sayin' what would you wish for
If you had one chance

So airplane airplane sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night

Don't know why I've been getting headaches so so often. ?! . Well.. I've always been prone to migraines, but aargh.
So frequently this time. I can't think of any way of alleviating the pain besides eating headache pills.
I don't like the idea of popping pills cuz they're unnatural. But ah well.. NO CHOICE. >.<
I eat 'em one day.. and the pain comes back a few days later.. :(
Ah well.. it's just a minor problem I guess..

Nothing to update about my dad... still no news.
So far, I have applied for three jobs..
Called up BCare Student Care (supervising pri 5 - pri 6.. it's very very near my flat!)
Applied through emailing my resume..: sph customer care assistant and airport service officer
Hmm.. I don't like to believe in luck and all that.. but seriously, it seems like I have this fate of getting rejected..
GAAH. But I won't stop trying. I'm sure that I'll be accepted somewhere.. Really need the income.. =/
In addition can gain some experience and learn new stuff at the workplace.

Yesterday was significant. Finally met up with shimin, constance and grace!!!
HAHA. We met at amk, they drank some koi bubble tea.. I didn't eat or drink anything at that time.
I was the first to reach there, and also the first to go home. LOL. Pangseh-ed (abandoned) them for the first meeting.
My oh my. But well.. it was cool. Had a good time, laughing and chatting..
I was quite surprised.. cuz I could actually find words to say..

LOL.. I thought that I'd become super duper antisocial and weird after keeping to myself for so long.
But I felt really comfortable and just so at ease, I could say almost anything.
Maybe cuz they're my closest friends.. but I think that I can open up to most people!
Except one person. HIM. My heart was always beating frantically that time.. so I was always at a loss for words.
IT'S ALL HIS FAULT FOR MAKING MY HEART WORK SO HARD. Hmphh. Bad guy. He's always bad to me.

But I'm still gonna send him a letter. Can't wait until his birthday.. too long ! Shall send him a letter every two months.
A postcard would be more presentable, but there's too little space for me to express my feelings :P.
So the first letter will be in september. Kinda old-fashioned ehh.. sending letters -.-..
But he's too busy to check his email, a call would be disruptive and I don't really wanna sms..
And letters are always more sincere and sweeter!
Do unto others what you would like them to do unto you!
Haha.. To me, receiving a letter would seriously melt my heart and make a tear roll down my face.

Still planning to meet up with friends!!! I really miss jolene ng a lot, but she's too busy :(. Blehhh. She needs more rest..
Miss lisais too, but she's not in singapore. Hmm.. hmmmm.. mostly wondering about wei xin and yan han..

Tomorrow will be even more significant! Going to church for the first time in three years. Whoa.
Definitely stick to st. anne's church in sengkang, the church I've been going to ever since my sjcian days..
Hmm.. my cousin (he died from a motorcycle accident) .. his ashes are there.
My mum asked me to check if any other family member is there.. WAH. TOUCH WOOD!!!
It's creepy.. really creepy. I only stepped into that place once.. and I really don't wanna go there again.
Just wanna go to the church service with living people.

I do have an ulterior motive for going to church.. got some prayers I wanna present to God..
To me, religion is something very personal. I don't like rituals and stuff.. but ah well.
I like church cuz we can worship God through songs !
And I don't really like to hear preaching, so that's why I don't preach about my religion..
To me, religion is more impactful if you're touched by it through personal experience, not through preaching.
But well.. church is just a whole new experience. Can't wait. (:
Although I often feel as if God has abandoned me.. I'm always praying to him, and thinking of the crucifixion.
Hmm.. I like modern music, modern clothes, most things modern.. but not modern churches. Hahh. interesting ehh.

Yaaa.. that's all then. I won't stop trying. Migraines, rejection and loneliness won't stop mel.
I may be weak, as in I cry very easily.. I've cried myself to sleep many times..
I'm quite emotional and easily touchy.. often rather sensitive and easily hurt by people too.
But I have a fighting spirit beneath the fragile layers inside of me.
God's ways are too mysterious and I've been much of a sinner.
But I have faith in his healing power, I'm sure that the bad times won't last long.
I have a long road ahead of me, and it'll surely be paved with fresh opportunies and experiences!

Hmm.. planning to hide from the world for a while. I don't mean that the world revolves all around me, it's just that I've reached a phase when I just don't want to open up to anyone.. I'm becoming distant from my parents, my friends... Ah well. I've never been much of a socialite, and now I'm getting even more antisocial. Hmm.. got some personal issues. All the emo rubbish. I miss him a lot, now that he's not with me, now that his mind is probably far away from me as well. But I'm silly, already planning to send him a letter for his birthday..

Besides coping with life without him, also have some loneliness issues.. problems I've always struggled with. Like my parents.. some stuff. Most of the time, they're shouting. I may not be close to my dad, and I may have some negative feelings towards him, but he's my dad. And he's not getting any better. And nobody is informing us about any news of rehab. Don't know what's gonna happen... Yeahh.. during this period, it's perfectly understandable to get on each other's nerves. But I just feel terribly lonely, often hide in my room, read my books.. eng, chinese and bahasa :D all love stories.. HAHAHA. if you love books, i recommend dee henderson.. for eng ones. the plot is very intriguing.. it's like a romantic story mixed with thriller. Love her writing style.

Hmm.. yup I'm often detached from my parents. We may be in the same place day and night, but I often drift apart. I know I should open up to people instead of cooping up and keeping it all to myself, but these days, I really really don't feel like opening up to anyone.. Cuz nobody understands, and I don't wanna bother anybody. So everytime I hear those yelling and stuff, I just listen to my music.. hahaha my playlist is filled with bahasa love songs. It's so cool that the guys there love singing about those melancholic songs.. like waiting for the girl.. HAHA. Well.. it's very sweet when you listen to the song.. But experiencing it in reality, it's so dramatic and just so awful.

And the moe.. there's no response. They stated on the website that only shortlisted applicants will be informed. Hmm.. perhaps they're silently rejecting me. GAAAAH. Hmphh. I'm resigned to rejection. But forget it, I'm not waiting for them anymore. Whether they've rejected me or not.. I'm gonna apply for a job now. It's time.. our money supply is running out, and frankly, I wanna get out of the house more often.. hah. I'm unfilial, I do things for all the wrong reasons. But who cares about the reasons.. the fact is I really do need to get a job.

And I really wanna meet lisais. Not to talk to her, I just have to apologise to her for ignoring her emails and stuff. I haven't gone on fb too. Hmm.. I don't know what I can do for her.. I'm a lousy friend..

Hmm nothing is going well for me. I'm trying to turn to God, but it always feels like he has abandoned me, along with everyone else.. he always seems to place me in situations where I'm walking by myself.. Maybe I have all the wrong perspectives too.. but I don't care anymore.. I wish I didn't always think about my stupid emotions.. as if that's all that matters.

Gaaah. Thank goodness for the existence of love stories and romantic pop songs though. :D. That's the only bright side so far...